Here are some hash songs we try to sing. Our Songmeister is working on a BRAND NEW songbook with some new material. C*m back soon to check it out.
Hash Songs 101 (Songs even circle drunks can handle. Mostly.)
For the Hares - Shitty Trail Melody – The Mickey Mouse Club S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L, Shitty trail, (It sucked!) Shitty trail, (It really sucked!) The mutherf*ckers laid a shitty trail. I’d rather drink (insert foul stuff to drink here…), Than run your shitty trail, S-H-I, T-T-Y, T-R-A-I-L. Drink it down, Drink it down…
Down Down Demo- Meet the hashers Melody – Meet the Flintstones Hashers, meet the hashers, We’re the biggest drunks in history, From the town of ________, We’re the leaders in debauchery, Half-minds, trailing shaggy through the years, Watching us as we drink a lot of beers. Down Down, Down down down down….
For Virgins- Down Down Song Melody: Tah-Rah-Rah-Boom Dee Ay This is your down down song It isn’t very long…
Visitors- We call on the Visitors to sing us a song Chant We call on the Visitors to sing us a song… We call on the Visitors to sing us a song… We call on the Visitors to sing us a song… So sing us a song, or show us your________!
Returners- The Returner Song Melody: Hee Haw Where, oh, where were you last week? Why did you make us hash all alone? You fat lazy bastards you weren’t even here So we f*cked all the virgins and drank all the beer Down, down, drink it all down Drink it all down, drink all of the beer You fat lazy bastards you weren’t even here So we f*cked all the virgins and drank all the beer DFL- While Wading Through Shiggy Melody: On Top of Old Smokey While Wading Through Shiggy All covered in muck I lost the true trail Cuz you F*ckers suck!
Analversaries- I Love My Girl Melody – Itself I love my girl, Yes I do, Yes I do, I love her truly! I love that hole, That she pisses through! I love her lips, And her milky-white tits, Her nut brown asshole! I’d eat her shit! Gobble Gobble Gobble Slurp! With a rusty spoon! (with a rusty Spoo-oo-oon!)
Note: The line “milky white tits” should change depending on the harriette’s race Violations- Down Down Down Your Beer Melody –Row Row Row Your Boat Down Down Down Your Beer To pay for your crime Quit complaining ‘bout the taste There’s no sperm this time Dinah Won’t You Blow Me Melody – 3rd Verse of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” Dinah won’t you blow me, Dinah won’t you blow me, Dinah won’t you blow my horn? Dinah won’t you blow me, Dinah won’t you blow me, Dinah won’t you blow my horn?
Someone in my sister’s vagina, Someone’s in my sister, I know, Someone’s in my sister’s vagina, Pumpin’ like a dynamo.
(the last line should be accompanied with a humping motion)
Whip it Out At the Ballgame Melody: Take Me out to the Ballgame Whip it out at the ballgame Wave it round at the crowd Dip it in peanuts and cracker jack I don’t care if you give it a whack Cuz its beat your meat at the ball game If you don’t c*m it’s a shame Cuz its One! Two! You’re covered in goo At the Old Ball Game! It’s A Small Dick Melody – It’s a Small World Well it isn’t long and it isn’t think, It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick, It gets lost in her twat but it’s all that he’s got, It’s a small, small dick. It’s a small dick after all, It’s a small dick after all, Always limp from alcohol, It’s a small, small dick!
Honors/ Naming- Here’s to Brother Hasher (or Sister) Here’s to brother hasher, Brother hasher, brother hasher, Here’s to brother hasher, May he chug-a-lug. He’s happy, he’s jolly, He’s fucked up by golly, Here’s to brother hasher, May he chug-a-lug. So drink motherfucker, Drink motherfucker, Drink motherfucker, Drink motherfucker, Here’s to brother hasher, May he chug-a-lug.
Other hash songs we never remember:
BULLSHIT Melody: Bullshit, bullshit, It sounds like bullshit to me, to me, Bullshit, bullshit, It sounds like bullshit to me
He’s got a dose of clap Melody: He's got the whole world He’s got a dose of clap on his dick, He’s got a dose of clap on his dick, He’s got a dose of clap on his dick, And all it does is go drip, drip, drip.
Has anyone seen my cock? (Sung by RIH3...a lot) Has anyone seen my cock?
My big Rhode Island Red? It’s mostly pink, with a few blue streaks, And purple round his head, It likes to stand at attention, And give my wife a shock. Has anybody seen, Has anybody seen, Has anybody seen my cock?
LOVE ME TENDER Melody – Itself Love me tender, love me sweet, Wrap your lips around my meat. Hold me close and watch me grin, As the c*m rolls down, down, down, down…
Notes: The circle will then launch into “Down, down, down” rather than complete the line “Down Your Chin.”
MY NAME IS JACK Melody – Miss Mary Mack My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah) I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah), I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah), And I fill ‘em full with jism (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah). I get frustrated (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah), When they’re cremated (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah), Cause try as I must (nah-na-nah-nah-na-nah), I can’t fuck dust!
Notes: This song is sung by the RA with the rest of the circle responding with the portion in parentheses. The final line is often shouted by everyone for emphasis.
Variant: Because you can never have too many songs about incest, there’s an alternate version of this song. Since it makes reference to the first, it is best sung after the original is sung in circle.
My name is Gus I’m incestuous I fucked my mother And buggered my brother But when they die I will not cry Cuz just like Jack I’m a necrophiliac
PETER PENIS Melody – Oscar Meyer Bologna Song My penis has a first name, It’s P-E-T-E-R, My penis has a second name, It’s P-E-N-I-S, My girl she sucks it every day, And if you ask her why she’ll say … (gargle)
Notes: Upon reaching the last line the RA places beer in his mouth and gargles, mimicking a woman who can’t speak because she’s giving oral sex.
Variant: Women’s version. His penis has a first name, It’s P-E-T-E-R, His penis has a second name, It’s P-E-N-I-S, I love to fuck him every day, And if you ask me why I’ll say … Cause Peter Penis has a way, With my V-A-G-I-N-A!
PUBLICLY PISSED UPON Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean He ought to publicly pissed upon, He ought to be publicly shot (Bang! Bang!), He out to be tied to a urinal, And left there to fester and rot (I love that part!) SHE’S A HARRIETTE Melody – Turkey in the Straw Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a blind man cum, And the nipples on her tits are as big as my thumb, She’s a mean mother-fuckers, she’s a great cock-sucker, She’s a harriette!
TAKE IT IN YOUR HAND MRS. MURPHY Melody – Itself Take it in your hand Mrs. Murphy, It only weighs a quarter of a pound, It’s got hair on its neck like a turkey, And it spits when you stroke it up and down down down down… THERE WAS A LITTLE BIRD Melody – Itself There once was a bird, No bigger than a turd, Sitting on a telephone pole, He ruffled up his neck, And shit out a peck, And puckered up his little asshole. And puckered up his little asshole.
WHEN THE END OF THE MONTH ROLLS AROUND Melody – As the Cassions Go Rolling Along You can tell by the smell that she isn’t feeling well, When the end of the month rolls around. You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet, When the end of the month rolls around.
Chorus Singing hi, hi, hee, to the tampon factory, Shout your size and sing it loud and clear, We got small, medium, large, We got enough to fill a barge, When the end of the month rolls around.
(So many other verses to sing...just add the chorus)
OUR LAGER Melody: The Lord's Prayer Our Lager Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager, Barmen.
HERE'S TO ________ (BASIC DOWN-DOWN SONG) Melody - Itself Here's to __________ He's true blue, (he's a blue) He's a Hasher, Through and through, He's a pisspot, So they say, Tried to go to heaven, But he went the other way, So drink it down, down, down . . .
FAREWELL SONG Melody - Auld Lang Syne Piss off, ya wank, Piss off, ya wank, Piss off, ya wank, Piss off! Piss off, ya wank, Piss off, ya wank, Piss off, ya wank, Piss off!
I LIKE COCK Melody - Three Blind Mice I like cock, I like cock, See how they rise, See how they rise, They fit so nicely and feel so grand, They come in all sizes, all shapes and brands, There's nothing finer than making them stand, 'Cause I like cock, I like cock.
BY THE LIGHT Melody - By the Light of the Silvery Moon By the light (by the light, by the light), Of a flickering match, I saw her snatch, In the watermelon patch. By the light (by the light, by the light), Of a flickering match, I saw it gleam, I heard her scream, You are burning my snatch, With your fucking match. THE DIVORCE GAME Melody: Take me out to the Ball Game Make me out as the bad guy, Trash my name in a crowd. Tell them that I don't pay child support, My breath is bad and my dick is too short. And it's all my fault for the whole thing, The guy is always to blame. Take my house, car, and half of my pay, In the dee-vorce game.
MY DNA (AKA YOUNG GIRL) Melody: YMCA Young Girl, I like it when you go down, I said Young Girl, Won't you kneel on the ground, I said Young Girl, With your lips full and round, On your knees you make me happy. (spit, spit, spit, spit, spit)
I want to spray you with My DNA, I want to spray you with My DNA, It's a present from me, a gift to all of the girls I sure hope you like to wear pearls
Drink it down, down, down . . .
Hot Vagina Melody: I've been working on the railroad
Hot Vagina for your breakfast. Hot vagina for your lunch Hot vagina for your dinner just munch munch munch munch munch. It's so tasty and delicious, bite size and ready to eat. Hot vagina for your breakfast Hot vagina can't be beat! (your meat)
You're not number 5! Melody: Land of 1000 Dances - if you're a Boomer Hot Stepper - if you're a GenXer Fern Gully -if you're a Millenial/GenY You're not number 5, Not number 4, Number 3, Number 2 You're number one!
Long ass songs No one but Rhode Island H3 remembers:
HELLO PENIS Melody - Sound of Silence Hello penis my old friend, I've come to play with you again, When those wet dreams come a-creeping, I spurt my seeds while I am sleeping, And with your helmet firmly planted in my hand, It will expand, While jerking off in silence.
In horny dreams I get a bone, I beat off on cobble stones, Beneath the halo of a street lamp, I see a whore who's getting very damp, For five hundred baht in a flash she's on her back, She spreads her crack, And twitches her twat in silence.
Those who see and do not know, How to make my penis grow, I whipped you out so she might eat you, I stuffed you up into her pussy spew, And then my sperm, like silent raindrops fell, And turned to gel, While jerking off in silence.
And the ants came out and played, In the fucking mess I'd made, But in heeding daddy's warning, That mum would find it in the morning, So I rolled out of bed and wiped it up with my shirt, God, what a squirt! Jerking off in silence.
I WILL SURVIVE Melody: I will Survive From Te-Killya Tits, San Antonio Hash House Harriers At first I was afraid, I was petrified, When you said you had 10 inches Lord, I almost died. But I'd spent so many nights just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. . .
But there you are, Another lie! I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry. I should have known it was so small, Just a sad pathetic dream, Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go, Walk out the door, Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4, Weren't you a jerk to think I wouldn't! notice it pop out, Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count?
I will survive, I will survive, Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive, I will always have good sex with a handful of latex. I will survive, I will survive. . .hey, hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud, When I saw your little wiener standing small and proud. But too bad about your ego and to Hell with all your needs! Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed
Go on now go, Just make a dash, Last time I saw a dick that small I was treating diaper rash! I should have asked for confirmation, Should have asked for pictures, please! Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winkie thing at me.
Go on now go, Just hit the track, Don't you bring me home no little worm, I'll always throw them back. The only thing that I cou! ld do with a dick as small as yours, Is to stick it with a tooth pick And then call it an hors d'oeuvre! I will survive,
I will survive, Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive, I will always have good sex with a handful of latex. I will survive, I will survive. . .hey, hey!
Go on now go, Get out of my sight, I'm going back to my appliance, Cuz I know it's length is right, And if I ever see your tiny pecker peckin' at my door, You'll be counting your 4 inches as you pick them off the floor. Go on now G0
SWEET VIOLETS Melody - Sweet Violets (Take turns leading verses)
CHORUS: Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses, Covered all over from head to toe, Covered all over in SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
My father was a coal miner, A coal miner that he was. Sometimes he'd shovel up coal dust, And sometimes he'd shovel up SHIT!
My brother was a pilot, A pilot that he was, Sometimes he'd land on the runway, And sometimes he'd land in the SHIT!
My wife, she died on the toilet, She died of a horrible fit, And to satisfy her last wishes, She was buried in six feet of SHIT!
My father went to the woodshed, Some wood he wanted to split, But when he grabbed hold of the handle, He found it was covered with SHIT!
Phyllis Quat kept a sack in the garden, I was curious I must admit, One day I stuck in my finger, And pulled it out covered in SHIT!
I sat in a gold lavatory, In the home of the Baron of Split, The seat was encrusted with rubies, But as usual the bowl contained SHIT!
My brother he worked in a sewer, Some lamps they had to be lit, One evening there was an explosion, And my brother was covered in SHIT!
Phyllis Quat took a bag to her boy-friend's, But the paper was old and it split, Now the boyfriend and Phyllis have parted, For the bag was packed quite full of SHIT!
Well, now my song is ended, And I have finished by bit, And if any of you feel offended, Stick your head in a bucket of SHIT!
THE ENGINEER SONG An engineer told me before he died, Ah-humm, ah-humm, An engineer told me before he died, Ah-humm, ah-humm, An engineer told me before he died, I have no reason to believe he lied. Ah-humm, ah-humm-ah-humm-ah-humm-ah-humm-ah-humm,
He had a wife with a cunt so wide (three times), That she could never be satisfied.
So he built a bloody great wheel (three times), Two balls of brass and a prick of steel.
The balls of brass he filled with cream (three times), And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.
He tied her ankles to the foot of the bed (three times), He tied her wrists above her head.
There she lay demanding a fuck (three times), He shook her hand and wished her luck.
Round and round went the bloody great wheel (three times), In and out went the prick of steel.
Up and up went the level of steam (three times), Down and down went the level of cream.
Till at last the maiden cried (three times), "Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied!"
(Slowly . . .)
Now we come to the tragic bit (three times), There was no way of stopping it.
(Back to speed . . .) Round and round went the bloody great wheel (three times), In and out went the prick of steel.
Up and up went the level of steam (three times), Down and down went the level of cream.
She was split from ass to tit (three times), And the whole fucking issue was covered in,
Other endings (optional):
The moral of this story is mighty clear (three times), Never fuck an engineer.
Nine months later a child was born (three times), With two brass balls and a bloody great horn.
St Paddy's Day Song- The Wild Hasher Melody- The Wild Rover Irish Song (EZ made this one up kinda sorta) I've been a wild hasher for many a year, And I've run lots of trails for the fun and the beer. I came to the hash after St. Paddy’s day, Where the R.A gave chalk talk then we were away.
Chorus: And it's no, nay, never, (clap 4 times) No nay never no more, (clap twice) Will I be a wild hasher (clap once) No never no more.
I've hashed the world over -- places far and near, And I fondled the women and drank all the beer, And now I'm returning with tales for to tell, Of checkbacks unending and shortcuts through hell.
Now all I have left is a beer-stained T-shirt, And my Nikes are covered in shiggy and dirt, But my truest friends are you drunks and you queers, So here’s to wild hashers! Let’s finish our beers.